~~ Responsibility ~~

9th Aug 2009 Sunday.. Happy Birthday Singapore..

Wow! I woke up at 12pm.. Can you believe it!? Had a slight headache.. hmm might be the result of sleeping too much.. hahha..

Was watching an english short programme.. title of the show.. [ Lots of Love ]..
Stella had a younger brother who was an autistic child. No one wanted to look after the brother even their mum.. Their mum abandoned them and Stella was the only one left to his brother.. Stella wished that she could also falls in love just like the other girls...however the thought of her little brother puts a pause to the hope..it happens that one of her schoolmate is fond of her.. Ben tried to date her but each time there bound to have something happen to her little brother.. Stella hates her brother and blames him for holding up her life. But when there's one time whereby her little brother met an accident , only then did she realised he meant alot to her. Stella knew that he is her Responsibility for the rest of her life and nothing can change the fact...

This show moved my heart...we are alike in some ways.. the Responsibility that we NEED to bear.. not by any given choices..i have an elder sister.. she's not so independent..since young i always have this strong feeling.. why of all ..ME...to do more in the family..to be the solver in the family.. it's difficult for my sister to get a job ..even if she managed to get hold of one.. it's always not for long.. people find her too slow.. and on a few occasion where she got a job though pay out was not much.. i tried to help her do mthly budget.. as in how much to save, how much for tpt exps. But she always felt very annoyed.. maybe she feels i'm controlling her. I wanted her to have some savings so that in future she could depend on herself... Maybe.. so that i could be free of all these.. i guess... But each time i planned for her.. she'll losses her job soon after. Was it coincidentally or was it suay ?! This time round , she gotten a job and this is the longest job she ever had.. i don't do anymore planning for her.. was it because that's the reason ? I have no idea.. as long as she can have an income and own life out of this 4 room flat. Like Stella, i find her a burden in my life.. when we were young..we always quarrelled and fought. I would told her and my parents that if she's not going to take care of herself..don't expect me.. i won't gonna be the one to look after her! Deep down in my heart i know i would never be able to shake off this Responsibility..but probaly i'm only trying to vent out my anger and unfairness.. I blamed and scold my parents for doing too much things for her .. as a result my sister depends alot on them. There's not much communication in my family.. no casual chit-chatting.. only talk when there's a need to. And i can say both my sister and me talks agitatedly to my parents.. and can even scold them. You can say we 没大没小。But i guessed all things in the family had caused us to behave in that manner. The 2 person that worked the most in the family is my mum and me.. that's why i'm grown to be more independent and ponder alot.. hmm.. no wonder i always have a 'black' face.. haha.. There's one occasion where my cousin had just came back from china with her parents .. she was telling me that i could bring my parents for a holiday too..I know my parents have not been out of Spore before .... but hey we are talking about 4 pax exps leh.. tats alot leh! and.. in spore i already had so much responsibilities to take care off.. and i don't want to do so when abroad travelling.. i guess that's the only selfish part of me...

In life, there's always things which are beyond our control and beyond our choices.. we can only live with it or choose to change it.. and how we become depends on these...

Everyone will bound to have Responsibilities in life.. the only two choices are to fulfil them or to discard them...and utlimately the feelings after the choices had made..